I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
