Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
