I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Found the puke drawer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
