Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
