if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
