so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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