Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
