fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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