i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
