you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
