There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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