I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
