my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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