i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
