She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
