she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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