Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
