I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize