she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
