So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
