remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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