Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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