Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
