I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
