Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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