he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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