I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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