there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
