Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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