Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
