i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
