i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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