The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
