Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize