Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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