I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
