I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
