If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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