Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
