Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize