I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
