What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
