sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
