we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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