So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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