Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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