I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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