help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
