Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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