Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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