Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
