ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Duck Duck Cougar?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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