Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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