Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
