My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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