Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
