Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
