Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
