So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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