Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
