then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
