I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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