Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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