So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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