he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
