I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize