so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
