Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
