On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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