I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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