i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
