wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
