dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
