There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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